when the power goes out

i came home tonight after 14 hours of class, to find that we had lost all our power. in fact, the whole block had. probably all the wind that's going around. so we order a pizza, and i stumble downstairs to all my boxed up stuff, knowing that somewhere down there i have a bunch of candles. as the last remaining daylight fades, we light the candles. i leave to go pick up the pizza, and on my way back i'm thinking about what the hell am i gonna do tonight. i've just gotten home from class, i wanted a hot shower and a good movie. a few hours online. but now i have no tv, no internet. no lights. don't open the refrigerator. so i start to think of alternatives. we have a bunch of board games laid out that my parents intend to donate. and suddenly...i'm thinking it wouldn't be so bad to spend one night, candles around the kitchen table, pizza, and a board game with mom and dad. old fashioned fun for one night. mom was always big on old fashioned fun. it might be liberating to be without power (not by choice) for a night. of course, eventually it was gonna get cold. but it won't kill me. it's only one night. might be fun. and as i round the corner and see that the entire block is once again lit up...i find i'm disappointed as i trudge in with the pizza, and see my parents' smiling faces. after only 45 minutes in the dark, they're more happy to have the power back than their daughter.

Bibliotherapy

i'm sitting here writing out flashcards for terms i'm supposed to learn for my "information sources and services" course, and i come across this term "bibliotherapy". yes, it's exactly what it sounds like. it's the use of literature, film or other media to aid in the personal growth or rehabilitation of a group through the discussion of the materials being read or watched. there's 2 kinds, clinical (used by doctors and hospital librarians) and developmental (used by schools and some public libraries). can you think of a more wonderful library job than that?? i am so inspired to look into this more now as a possible career option. i mean obviously i knew librarians helped people, that's what they do...but i never even imagined that something like this existed.

the problem with low blood sugar

the problem with low blood sugar is that every time i have it, i lose the ability to reason, to make good eating decisions, and to walk straight.

here's the scene. i wake up, it's the middle of the night, i'm covered in sweat, shaking, and starving. the ONLY thought on my mind is "get some food. now. before you pass out." it's pitch dark, 2am, so i'm disoriented and only half-awake but my mind and heart are both racing...so already i'm not in "good decision making mode".

beside my bed in the nightstand is candy SPECIFICALLY FOR THIS SITUATION. all i had to do was eat a few pieces, and find a way to calm myself for 10 minutes until it started working. but 10 minutes is like 10 hours when your body is telling you "you must eat now. NOW." and past experience of sitting in bed, knees to chin, rocking back and forth waiting for the sugar to take effect has led me to respond in a new way.

so i stumble out of bed, cursing my ever-unreliable insulin dosage, down the stairs and into the kitchen. the problem is that while i always think ahead and stock plenty of good, high-sugar items specifically for these situations, when it comes down to the moment i no longer have the ability to discern a good snack from a bad one. so where i should have grabbed the applesauce which is healthy, contains a reasonable amount of sugar, and would have worked very quickly to bring my blood back up to normal...i instead, like always, went for the items that i would never have eaten if in my right mind and contained far too much fat to work as quickly as i needed them too. low blood sugars place this thought in your head that you are starving, even if you aren't...and promotes the idea that it will take an enormous amount of food to remedy the situation, even though it really only takes a small amount.

in the end, what should have been applesauce, turned into ice cream, chocolate covered raisins, granola, and date nut bread. in the same bowl. and while none of these things have ever tasted as good as they did right then, the 3 hour stomachache that followed AND the realization that i had just blown all of my weight watchers points for the week in one snack, has led me to not be able to look any of those items in the face since. the sight of something sweet makes me want to vomit and for the first time in my life, i have no desire to eat anything that even remotely resembles a dessert food for a very long time.

Hesitation

when confronted with the opportunity to write, i find i'm reluctant to do so. it's been so easy to focus on other people's writings lately, that i don't even think about my own stuff. in fact, sometimes i feel that the second i got my degree in writing, i ceased to become a writer. by defining myself as something, i immediately became afraid that i could not live up to the definition. so for five years, i've been hiding in the role of editor...the safe role...the role i already knew i could do.

even now, as i sit here starting at a brand new blog, i find myself completely preoccupied with organizing and customizing my page instead of writing in it, as though the moment my words are flung out into the wide expanse of the internet universe, they will immediately come under scrutiny and rejection.

the evidence that i have a degree, an actual bachelor's degree, in writing, which not just anyone can get...should convince me that i can, in fact, write, and write well. and yet, here i sit...

Just landed

So here I am...blogging...finally. As a writer, you'd think I'd have done this a while ago. Even now, I can't seem to make up my mind which blogging site I want to use...so I'm gonna try both until one emerges as the superior. It's likely that I'll post the same things to both during this nice little trial period, so if you're following me on one, don't feel like you have to follow the other as well. Unless you want to :)

One of my goals is to post a poem once a week on here. Not sure if both sites will allow me to categorize or organize posts in the same way, but I'm hoping I can make Poem Folders or something. Either way, feel free to hold me accountable for that. One a week. No exceptions except in dire DIRE emergencies. Super dire.